There is a betrayal that has been on my heart for far too long. As I work through that and sit with my place in the world we find ourselves in I am reminded that silence is complacency and that complacency is acceptance. It’s hard right now. What I want to do is hide under a rock while the storm passes but I’m now questioning whether the winds will ever stop blowing. I need to push myself to brave the wind, the rain, and the general discomfort to face the evil around me and do my best to say “No More!”
I’ve been working through the destruction of my family for a few years now. It’s been extremely difficult as I relive my own trauma and see my children live through theirs. I never wanted that for them but I was not given a choice.
I’ve learned many things on this journey and there is one I now feel I need to call out. Too long have manipulative people been able to hide within the discomfort they sow. Too long have they been able to rely on their victims to choose silence as a more comfortable way to move forward amidst the chaos they create. This narrative rings true in so many ways but for now I will focus on my own learned experience with Andrea King.
My ex-wife came out as poly after a 20 year monogamous relationship. I wanted to work on the transition of our relationship in a way that honored our family, promises, and commitments but the timeline for that work was too long for her own selfish desires. The result was broken promises, the destruction of a family, and trauma inflicted on all of us. During this tumultuous time is the subject of this post.
One of the first examples of feelings from my ex in relation to poly relationships was a description of an encounter with Andrea King. At the time I minimized the impact in my own mind and accepted that it was innocent. That was a fiction I generated to make myself feel more comfortable. What I was told was that “something” happened and that my wife at the time had to put a stop to it and figure it out. Back then I was not protective of myself and I was willing to give anyone a pass with a good enough story. What I know now is that stories like this were always much worse than the narrative I was given. They were massaged to be more palatable for the intended audience. It wasn’t the truth. I also was willing to give Andrea King a pass at the time for some reason. To be clear, we had been friends for many years. Therefore at the very least she was engaged in some kind of amorous encounter with her friend’s wife that had to be stopped before it went too far. At the worst my wife did cheat on me with my “friend,” Andrea King. I have heard multiple stories in the community over the years that this was not the first time Andrea had seduced the significant other of a friend or someone known to be in a committed, monogamous relationship. For some reason I was still inclined to give her a pass. This is part of what I have been struggling with. What Andrea did was not something that a friend would do and not something that should be shrugged off as no big deal. Andrea King has found herself in a manipulative niche that supports her own selfish pleasure while betraying the relationships she claims to care about.
I’m tired of being silent about it. I am speaking out.
Andrea was my friend and she betrayed me. Even after all this I tried to hold onto our friendship and she abandoned me. These are the hurtful actions of a selfish person.
As I get older I am finally learning how important it is to speak truth to power and to call people out when they hurt others.
We can’t allow people like this to hide any longer.